The Z Files

I have moved to a new blog page. Follow this link . http://www.lifeasz.blogspot.com

See you there.. the blog still require some tweaking but do leave a tag or two or three or…. 8D

12th May. It is here again and I add one more year to my age. Yupps, this year I have passed the quarter of a century mark. Going into my second quarter now. Well, not to worry, I still feel young and zesty and uber and crazy. Nothing has changed. Age is just a number. Most days I feel 16 or at the max 21. Hehehehee.

So, what has happened in the past 25 years or so? Who am I today? How am I as a human being? Errr…25 years is too long to reflect on a blog. So let’s just reflect for the past one year.

How have I grown in the past year?

Let’s see. I am more patient now. I am a hot tempered person, I flare up easily. It’s been a long way but I managed to tone down my temper. I think teaching makes me more patient. I realise that getting angry with my students is not worth it. It is better to handle with humour, sarcasm or just ignore them. I think yoga sessions has helped too. This inner peace, meditation, tranquility has helped at least a bit.

I think in the past 1 year, I have gone through many things. New things that have thrown me out of my comfort zone, bitter-sweet memories and heartaches. I have grown a lot in many ways in the past year. Only God knows how much. Regrets, not really. I know if I were to turn back time I would do the same thing again.

Sigh…I started out this blog with many a things to write. But I can’t write them down for all that I can think of now is my late grandmother. I suddenly miss her. It has been six months since she passed away and I wish she is still around. I really do miss her. I don’t think I could have made it this far without her. Terima Kasih nenek. She had been such a rock in my life. I can’t write anymore….

Lunch was served once we got out of the water. Club sandwhich, a fried drumstick, a chinese pear and a triangle of watermelon served on a plate. My initial reaction was: looked like it came out from a healthy lifestyle poster back in Singapore. But, we were grateful. Lunch looked ordinary but it was good and it filled our tummies. We did not complain.

1.15 in the afternoon and our river guides told us it is time for our next adventure. "To the Bat cave!" hahahaa. No, we went on our way to Gua Tempurung. When we drove in and I saw the crowd, I was dissapointed. The place looked so touristy, how adventurous could it be then. Oh well, I decided, let’s just make the most out of it and have fun.

And have fun, we did. We met our cave guide at the mouth of the cave. A short personage, smoking away like his life depended on it. Oxygen break he told us. We were amused. Soon we were ushered in by the cave guide and Ah Pek. The cave looked pretty ordinary, a boardwalk for tourists to walk on and stalactites and stalagmites jutting out everywhere. The cave itself was vast and cooling. The more we walked on, the darker it became. The boardwalk kept climbing up higher and higher and I get a bit more apprehensive. My eyes had not adjusted to the darkness and the steps on the boardwalk were narrow. Darkness seems to overwhelm me. Walk on, I must and soon enough I feel quite comfortable in the dark. There were some lights in the cave and a few of us have torchlights, so it was not too bad.

Along the way, our guide showed us amazing pieces of art created by nature. Stalactites and stalagmites joined together to form what looked like jelly fish from one side and a pregnant lady when you look at it from another angle. Bat’s feaces formed weird caricatures on the cave walls. Rock formations that looked like body parts. It was kind of cool. We had a brief geography lesson too. Apparently, warm air and cold air collides at the mouth of the cave forming a pressure and it creates wind that goes into the cave. However, the wind can be felt only at small spaces. We learnt how the water seeped in into the cave and form a drain that channels the water into a reservoir within the cave itself before flowing out. We learnt how stalactites and stalagmites are formed. Pretty interesting. Apparently it takes 200 years for a stalactite or stalagmite to grow an inch. Fascinating fact. The guide told me that the cave’s boardwalk was designed by an Australian who designed the famous Australian cave … can’t remember the name now.

Soon, the guide brought us higher to the "top of the world". It did seemed like the top of the world. We had climbed a total of 680 steps. The guide said, we are 130 meters above the sea level. Looking down, I saw the bottom  of the cave. It seemed very far away. All I saw were mist and pin pricks of light that illuminated the stalagtites and stalacmites eerily. Anybody could fall here and no one would know…

Well, we could not stay there forever, and down we had to go. 250 steps in all. 250 most gruelling steps I have ever taken. Firstly it was very dark. The staircase down was never ending. It was a long flight down and steps were narrow and damp. Any mistake, you can slip down and end up a mess. I shone my torchlight and gingerly made my way down. I dare not shine it further ahead because I do not want to know how steep the stairs are and how far away the bottom is. At the end of the 250 steps, my knees were slightly shaking and my nerves a bit frazzled. I don’t deny it, I do have a phobia of heights. But, I survived and it was nothing that I can’t handle. Although at this time I was sure that the adventure caving was not much of an adventure.

What puzzled me most was that the guide kept saying that it was an adventure caving trip. To me, it was just too touristy to be adventurous. Apart from climbing down that 250 steps, it was like a walk in the park except that it was very dark. Boy, was I wrong. The guide soon told us that we are going back out. I was relieved because I am a sun worshipper. Am not a fan of the dark. He led us 100 metres to our left and then we came to a dead end. The bardwalk stopped and the vast cave stretched in front of us. No lights, no railings, no boardwalk. Just darkness ahead.

"come on, the adventure begins here" called the guide to us as he ducked under the railings.

"Seriously?! Are you for real?" came the reply. 

"yeah, come on" He disappeared into the darkness.

Followed him, we did. It is just  straight route out. It is nothing. Or so I thought. We barely walked for 2 minutes and then we saw it. The cave goes down on a steep incline.

"Allright, now we have to slide down"

"you have got to be kidding me"

"No, slide down" And both our cave guides slid down. 10 metres or so downwards. No ropes to hold on to. One by one, we slid down. I was one of the last one to slide down. My pants were wet still from the river and I slid down at a very fast pace. As a result the guide couldn’t catch me and I fell on my bum. Terrific. What didn’t kill me made me stronger, right. Right.

Next we saw a hole in the ground. "okay, everybody go down the hole" Soon, everybody was flashing their torch light around the cave. Nope, no other way out. So down the hole we went through. Not too bad…it was big enough for us to go through and the ground was not too far away….Okay, this is easy…bring it on.

Remember the water earlier on? so here I suppose the water drops down and form a swift flowing channel, knee high. Wade through the water, we all did. It is just water. Only the roof above us kept getting closer to our heads and soon, we were all crawling in a single file through the water. Many a times my back and head hit the stalactites above. Not a good place for clautraphobics. Luckily, I am not one.

All this time I was well aware that somehow through all this fun, I am trangressing against nature. I wondered how many thousands of people have gone through this and how many hands have touched the stalactites and stalagmites. It seemed wrong that having fun meant we are indirectly or directly destroying the beautiful and mysterious nature. What is worse is that human beings tend to leave a trail. Empty water bottles were seen throughout my journey through the cave and underground brook/river. I felt slightly sad about that. Human beings: civilised yet not civilised.

After what seemed like an hour crawling through the tight spaces, the cave opened up and we realized we are almost at the end of our journey. All of us breathed a sigh of relief. In such enclosed and tight places, darkness can be very overwhelming. Getting bruised from rocks on the ground and hitting the tites and mites is no joking matter indeed. At last, the light at the end of the tunnel…this phrase never meant so much to me until then. It was literally the light at the end of a dark tunnel. When we emerged soaking up the sunshine, colourful butterflies flitted around us as though greeting and welcoming us back into the world of sunshine. How poetic. A perfect ending for a perfect adventure. I can’t wait to plan for my next adventure trip. Anyone game for adventure in June?

Sunday morning - 1st May - arrived at Ipoh, Perak at 5 am. Excelsior Hotel was fully booked so we lounged around until 6 and decided to look for breakfast. Couldn’t find any halal spots near the hotel so decided to go back to the hotel and breakfast there. RM15, but we were too hungry to care. Breakfast was the first time I talked to Andy, Ruf’s bf. He made quite an impression on me because of his ’sermon’ about breakfast and eating in general. Thinking back, I was quite irked by him, because it was breakfast and I am a breakfast person. If he had said all that he said at any other meal times, I would have probably joined in his discourse. but not breakfast. I love breakfast and I love hotel breakfasts. Bread and butter pudding, scrambled eggs with all the buttery goodness, sausages, hashbrowns, porridge, cereals….yummmy, so much to eat. Of course, my reply to him was just a determined "I eat breakfast…a lot. I am going to get some more food." Much to the amusement of my friends sitting at the next table…. It is kind of funny now that I think about it.

Anyway, 8 am and the van came for us. There are 10 of us in total. Myself, Ruf, Andy, Nadz, Azlee, Nurul, Nur and Raudah and a Chinese couple from Singapore. We were all geared up for our adventure in the river. We were so high spirited and I noticed and to my friends’ amusement, the trees in the centre of the city are cut into triangles, spirals, squares and doughnut shapes. How cute. Hehehehee. The ride to the river was rather normal until the van turned into a narrow lane that goes up into the mountain. It was just enough to fit the van and as the van proceed up the mountain, one side is a deep chasm and any mistake…..

Finally reached the river. Our river guides were Norman and Ah Pek. Norman was my group guide. Nadz, Azlee, Raudah, Nur and myself took the yellow raft. Boy, were we such a noisy and confident bunch. As newbies to white water rafting, we all took it so lightly. The first few rapids were exciting and we were having so much fun, laughing and joking. Then it happened….we were stuck on a rapid and after much paddling and jostling, our raft capsized. I and a few others were trapped under the raft. Panic was mounting. All of us looked shocked and the river was swift. When we managed to get out from under the raft, we saw we were far from the river banks and there is no way we are strong enough to fight the current and swim to the bank. Luckily, Ah Pek threw us the safety rope. The other group was watching from the side with anxious faces. The river itself was not that deep but the swift current and slippery rocks made it harder for us.

When we got back on the raft, everyone of us were stunned into silence. We knew then that white water rafting is not a game anymore. There is no turning back. 10km of pure challenge is facing us and we were all determined to get through it but we were more careful now. No longer joking and taking things easy. It is us vs the river. Paddle or die.

Silence reign… for five minutes and then we were back to our joking self. Hehehee but we were more careful now. Determined not to capsize anymore, we were extra vigilant. After 1 hour of rafting, we stopped for a rest and to soak ourselves in the cold river water. The river is beautiful. Surrounded by forests, no man can come close to the river bank and disturb its serenity. The water literally sparkles and we saw that there are silver flecks floating in the water. Could it be bits of silver or tin? Maybe we can pan for silver next time…

Soon we were back on the river shooting the rapids. At one crazy rapid, we hit a huge rock and the momentum threw me off the raft. Had to be rescued by Norman. My friends were laughing at me with amusement. They say I looked cute….cos my helmet had gotten loose and covered my eyes partially, so I had to lift my head up to look up and that made me look cute. Our group was definitely a noisy one. We kept talking about the butterflies we saw around the river. Norman sensed that we were much in awe at the butterflies so he pointed to us the ‘perut rama-rama’ or the butterflies’ stomach. There we saw plenty of huge butterflies drinking at the river’s edge. They were green and black and enourmous. Such an awesome sight.

Norman is a very friendly and funny guide. He tried to scare us with sightings of snakes everytime our raft floated under overhanging branches. After I fell into the river, he noticed that my face was not even wet. So every now and then when he thinks that we were getting to dry he would splash the cold water at us with his paddle. Brrr…

Finally after 2 and 1/2 hours of paddling we made it to the end. Our hands were aching and tired. Palms blistered from gripping the paddle hard. I then realised that my knees and back were hurting from hitting against the rocks while I was in the water. But, it was all worth it. It was a very fun adventure. I so look forward to my next white water rafting adventure. But till then, the next adventure for the day: caving…..

It is the little things that make me so annoyed sometimes. Cos little annoyance come together and make you one very annoyed person. Lately, it is the little things that I do that annoy myself. Why is it annoying, because I should have known better or worse, i get doubly annoyed at myself because I try to reason it out and push the blame on others when I jolly well know I am at fault. So for the past 3 days I made myself annoyed over a little red bag called the first aid kit. It got lost…and I was annoyed when I found out. And the annoyance grew because I kept thinking about being annoyed over such a small thing. So basically, I am annoyed at myself for getting annoyed. Well, partly. I was annoyed because my first thoughts was "I should have appointed someone to look after the kit" but at the same time I thought "They should have known better and look after it." And, I felt trifled unappreciated. Damn thoughts and feelings. They make me annoyed. Why can’t I just accept that it is lost and get on with it. It is annoying…see it is the little things that are annoying and I get annoyed because I am annoyed. It is annoying, isn’t it? I am annoyed because I have to rationalise my annoyance. Why was I annoyed after finding out my little red bag was lost? Because, I expected them to take care of it when I left no instructions for them to do so. Because, I felt unappreciated when I know that I should not expect any. And I am annoyed because of my expectations. And I am annoyed because my failed expectations make me feel incompetent. And I am annoyed because I should not feel incompetent. Damn annoyance…

Is there a day where you your brains just dont want to work and you get very blur? That is what happened to me today. I was already so tired to begin with. My first lesson, a lecture. On stage, I have this feeling that my body is physically there but my consciousness is not. I seem to be floating and I get easily distracted and I lose my train of thought. In fact, at one point, my sentences came out garbled and rubbish. What was that all about?

My last lesson. English with 1B. Observation. VP sat in. I thought my blurness has gone. Was teaching formal letter and horrors! I forgot how to spell recipient. Then again, my words came out all garbled. The synapses in my brains must have misfired. Why does it have to happen today, of all days?

I have Tuesday blues. Is it even possible? I always feel down on Tuesdays and I always get headaches on Tuesdays. Today is no exception. So my only theory is Tuesday blues. Wonder why? I tried to reason it out. Heavy workload? No…I have 2 or 3 periods only. Then? Maybe I was just too shocked by Monday. Hehehee. Oh well, these Tuesday blues have got to stop. I have been going to my courses concussed. The taxi rides plus headaches always make me feel like vomitting. Noise! Lights! They hurt my brain. Argh! Migraines! (hey, internal rhyming - okie digressing). Hate migraines. The pulsing that goes on in my head! Oh will someone stop that invisible hand from squeezing my brain? It is paralyzing. Tuesday blues….

Spent about 4h in school this morning. Just marking. At least some marking done. Feeling feverish and fluey. Nose cannot stop leaking since I woke up, throat hurts. I went shopping anyway at Suntec. Release stress and more importantly get my nephew, Haziq, presents for his 2nd birthday. Anyway, stopped at Royal Sporting House to buy some track pants and T-shirts. In the changing room, I sneezed twice and a voice from the next cubicle boomed "Bless you!" I was taken aback and amused at the same time. It took me 1 second to get my composure and reply "Thank you". From the accent, I could tell he was Irish. Of course, only an Ang Moh would do something so polite. I am not one to do a Singapore bashing but it got me realizing that Singaporeans are so focused about themselves, they dont notice other people and that can sometimes be down right rude and uncaring. Anyway, I think I would like to follow the example of the Irish guy. Not by saying bless you but to be more attentive of others in public. Gracious society, here I come. (Psssst: 3A, you could do a little research on how the term ‘bless you’ come about. Quite interesting. It is connected to the Black Plaque, I believe. If you do find out about it, do share with your classmates. My other students can do a research on it too.)

Something funny happened in History lesson today. I sidetracked and gave my students an article about how coloniolism contributed to the English language. An example is durian and goddess. Goddess is of course the corrupted Malay word of gadis. Anyway, was an interesting article and I gave them another example: amok. So they asked me how the word came to be from mengamuk(Malay word) to amok. (the story goes that a Bugis man went crazy and started killing people after he was jilted by a girl he loved. And the Malays termed it as mengamuk and thus the British picked it up as amok.) Of course my student went "Bugis man? What is a Bugis man? Do you eman that since I stay in Pasir Ris, I am a Pasir Ris boy?" I was stumped…What the heck are they talking about? Then it dawned on me…Of course, they were referring to Bugis Junction, not the Bugis Island nor the Malay stock of people who called themselves Bugis. So when I tried to explain about Bugis Island…."There is an island?????" " How to get there?". Their faces look so cute. Perhaps they think I am pulling their legs. Oh goodness, i am still laughing everytime I think about it. Anyway, they have to read more…I mean Bugis Junction did derive its name because of the Bugis people. Read, students, read! Anyway the info is available at Bugis Junction itself. BTW, 3A cannot be my fav sec 3 class cos it is the only sec 3 class i teach. Na na na boo boo. :p

My right heel hurts. (FYI, this is going to ba a manja blog. So if you can’t take it, stop reading. :p) Yeaaah, my right heel huuuurtts… (pouts) It reaaaalllyyy hurts. Sob. Sob.

Realized that being manja in a blog doesnt have the same feel. Ok, my right heel hurts, very badly. Can’t step on it at all. Pressing ice on it now. Thinking i have to go doctor soon if the pain does not go away in a couple of days time. Walking from class to class was torturous just now. Tried not to limp and bear with the pain. The pain got worse as the day progress. Guess tmr must take panadol before school and I hate taking pain killers. I went for years bearing with pain without pain kilelrs, even when I broke my arm last May. I counted that I have been taking panadols for headaches and minor pains ever since i started teaching. All because i needed to be pain free in order to do work … This shouldn’t be happening. It goes against my principles. Can i compromise my principles? Sigh…talking about work…must prepare work now.